Tuesday, October 17, 2006

10 Things You Will End up Doing in: Hollywood

1.) You can see the Hollywood sign from, literally, everywhere. Regardless, you will take two memory cards-worth of pictures of the sign, and then regret it later.

2.) Hollywood, like Los Angeles that surrounds it, has a subway system. Or so it claims. The system is a primitive model of a proper mass transit system. Think toothpick Eiffel Tower. You'll take the bus.

3.) The Beverly Center is meant for people driving cars. Your bus-taking self will walk around it for twenty minutes before finding a way up to the parking garage, and then spend another 10 minutes trying to find how to get up to the actual stores.

4.) No matter what angle you look at it, you will not be able to visualize how the Acadamy lays out the red carpet for the Oscars in front of the Kodiak Theater.

5.) You will mispronounce Graumann. And I'm not giving you a hint on how to pronounce it, because every should go through the embarassment of being an ignorant tourist.

6.) You will see one-half of every famous pair on the walk of fame. But only one half. You will never find Penn's Teller, or the Shatner to your Nemoy. Or Ozzie's Harriet.

7.) If you try to find Cecil B DeMille's grave, you won't be able to. But you might find Mel Blanc's grave. And all of the eastern-orthodox graves in California. And you'll take a picture of the Hollywood sign, because you can see it from the cemetary, too.

8.) Bob Barker, you'll discover, is actually orange. Secretly, you'll wonder if that's why the set to The Price is Right is so colorful -- to mask his freakish hue.

9.) You'll see George Hamilton in the Beverly Hills The North Face store, but you'll be too afraid he'll yell at you to go up and say "hi." Later, you will learn Hamilton is actually very nice to fans. You will kick yourself.

10.) Ever since your pilgrimage to the Pacific Ocean at Santa Monica, you will say "hey, I've seen that coast!" to every Hollywood beach shot you see. Trust me.

1 comment:

caitlin said...

Actually, I think Ozzie and Harriet are named together on their star.

Oh yeah, and George Hamilton was orange too, but I guess that's a given.