Monday, April 18, 2005


Vanessa informs me that we are the only two of our circle of friends to return to Lake Wallenpaupack for the summer.
Well, screw you all.
I'm sorry, I didn't mean that.
What I meant was, I'm nervous, scared, insecure, and jealous that you have found jobs/internships/better places to be.
I'm afraid I will never find that.

I will probably tell you many times that I plan on taking road trips this summer.

Don't let me fool you, it's all talk.
I will say I want to drive out to Washington, to Seattle, to B.C., to Vancouver.
I will sit at home, work too much, and bitch about my life.
I will say I want to go camping in Canada.
See Montreal
and Quebec City.
I will probably do that, though, because Caitlin will make me.

I have no aspiration to get an internship.
Apparently, you're supposed to have one, especially as a print media-concentrated Communication/Journalism major.
I'm so scared that all my whining in the past is coming true, that I truly will never find a job.

How the holy freaking heck am I supposed to see the world? I'm Brendan.
I'm no one special. I'm not a writer, though I aspire to be.
I'm not a journalist, though I'm slightly better than the piss you'll find on most C/J majors' papers.
I'm not in anyway unique to a world of six billion people.

I should have majored in Geography. Or at least minored.

This is the last summer I will be a student.
Yes, I plan on getting my Master's someday. But until then what the heck am I supposed to do?

I will probably make more demands about my life this summer.
I will probably not get the job at the Army Depot.
Hey, it's a desk job, and it pays >USD10.00/hr on a 40 hour work week.
How can I go wrong?
Well, we'll see just how I can go wrong.

Summer always seems to take forever until it's suddenly 12 August and you realise you have to pack for Band Camp.

I hate that feeling.
I love the feeling of summer.

Last summer, I told myself I'd bike the towpath every weekend.
That lasted two weekends.
This summer I'm going to keep my promises.
I hope.

It wasn't too long ago that I was wearing my teal blue windbreaker, riding around Simon's Point on a blue bike with white tires, a white seat that would always rock back if you hit a bump, with a walkie-talkie, seeing how far away walkie-talkies from Kmart would reach.
It wasn't too long ago that all I worried about was where all my matchbox cars were, and why it was that the Lego piece you needed always ended up being on the bottom of the pile.

Only a child can understand that Legos are just easier to look for when poured directly onto the floor. There's something that carpeting gives to them. It's the same thing sheets and blankets take away.

I've realised so much of my life has become "should haves" and "could haves."
It isn't really the best feeling in the world.

I'm going to New York City again this summer.
And it looks like I'm doing it with Vanessa.
I didn't know there was a The North Face store in Manhatten.
Here I come.

We're going to see a lot of what we didn't see last time.
Believe you me.

I'm going to go camping in Canada.
I wanted to road trip with Dave, but OCS gave him a second chance.
Screw you all.
All I need is my gear, a camera, and a moleskine.

Some day I'll get up the courage to do something by myself.

But not any day soon...

I don't know why, but the Micro-Computer Lab in MCTB is the perfect place for angst-y blog entries, whining for a home in someone's irises. Irii?
I don't know.

You know, I'd really like to be a gear reviewer. Like for Moosejaw or MountainGear or The North Face.
You give me the latest gear for free.
I'll go use it for a weekend, camping or biking or something.
And then I'll write a review about it.
And you'll pay me.
I get free stuff, and paid to write about it.

It will NEVER happen.
Things like that just don't happen to me. :'(

Oh god, I'm using emotion-icons. Time to stop writing now.


Anonymous said...

This is Vanessa-your friend who is coming home lol. I hear ya brendan on the scared issue but you know what, this is our last summer to be kids! This is probably my last summer doing the ritz, working at a half as job in Hemlock, driving around Hawley and Honesdale and thinking about our childhood. I wanted to be home this summer because I wanted to experience all those things one more time. Although it looks like Vicky will have a job she assures me that she will be home on the weekends and go to NYC with us and also thinks we should bring Mackenzie. We will have a great summer and I am def. up for going on roadtrips because I think they are fun :-) Yay for summer home!!!

Anonymous said...

Hey Brendan- this is Vicky. I just wanted to let you know that even if I do get this job at CHOP, I will still be home every weekend throughout the summer, and since I usually didn't see you much during the week anyway, it'll be like nothing ever changed and maybe one of those road trips could be down to Philadelphia...ever think of that. We could do a weekend down at the shore. And believe me I realize, more than anyone (as I sit here exactly 1 month away from college graduation) how quickly time flies. And yes it sucks, but there are exciting things to look forward to as well. I'm actually looking forward to five years from now, when we'll all hopefully have jobs and possibly significant others and we can go on vacation and enjoy two weeks together, just like we used to when we were kids. And by the way, I completely understand the need to pour all five million pieces of legos onto the floor, because that is the only way you can look at them...that is until you forget one little piece and you find it in the middle of the night, on your way to the bathroom, with your foot. Anyway, this is now a long comment, so I hope the rest of your semester goes well and I'll be seeing you...I promise!